...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
