yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
