Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
