Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
