Nicole vs. Life
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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