I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
