i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're chasing vodka with high fives
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
