He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
