I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
