the condom got lost in my hair
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
