I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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