does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
