just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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