i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize