we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
