if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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