honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
