Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
