She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
