I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
