Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
