I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
