O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
