cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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