I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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