Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
