I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
