week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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