I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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