I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
