the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
