I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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