woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
