I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
time to smoke my breakfast
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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