I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
