i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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