Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize