just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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