Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
