remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
