It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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