What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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