boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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