I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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