Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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