Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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