it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
