This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
