2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
