Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
