6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
