i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
