i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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