Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
