We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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