is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize