i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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