She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
