You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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