Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
