just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
