I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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