i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
