I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
