i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you never un-have a 4some
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
