were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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