you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
