If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
