some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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