if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize